I don’t think there will never be a time or love that you will feel as invincible and happy as you were with your first love. And I don’t necessarily mean your first boyfriend or girlfriend, or the first person you really had feelings for. I mean the first person you’d give everything for, who no matter how long or how far you’re apart, the butterflies are still there, and your heart beats its fastest when you see them. There’s no better feeling than seeing them smile or hearing them laugh. Their happiness is really the only thing that matters, even if that means no longer being a part of it. When you’re realizing it’s over that kills you the most. The days you ache to talk to them, tell them how your day went, ask them about theirs, remind them of how much you love them and can’t wait to see them. But you won’t do that. You won’t because you don’t want to ruin their day, or interrupt them when they could be out having a good time, perhaps with their friends or new love interest. You won’t because you’re afraid of what they’ll say, or what they won’t say, when you finally gather up the strength to hit that ‘send’ button to message or call them. It’s when you know for a fact that it’s not just the memories, but the person you miss the most. They’re long gone, and there’s not a single thing you can do to bring them back.
No, it’s sweet.
I can’t help but be so happy that I met you when I did. Things aren’t the way they used to be, but there’s not a single thing that I would take back.
I do stay up all night thinking about you.
I do hear certain songs and I think about you.
I do spend countless hours up at night thinking of things to tell you in the morning, even though I know I won’t say it.
I do feel sad when I think about your smile, but I smile because I love it.
I do think about you all the time and think, “Wow, he’s cute.”
I do think of you every night before I go to sleep, and I think of you when I wake up.
So many song lyrics do remind me of you.
I look at you when I’m sure you are not looking at me.
I hate where you and I left off. I hate the constant, everyday reminder that we may never be the same. It kills me. Two years of memories just gone, like they never existed, and it kills me.
Have you ever hoped for something bad to happen to you, just so you wouldn’t have to do it yourself?